Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Family
Day to day my ideas about family and the value of family changes. I don't know if I should have the old school views of, "blood is thicker than water" and "the family bond is the strongest" or if I should start being cold and just start dealing with my family from a distance. It's just that sometimes family doesn't act like family or at least like the typical definition of what family is supposed to act like. And if I really want to get honest oftentimes my family members can really depress me.
I can't even begin to talk about the drama that transpires within my family on a daily basis. The fights and arguments, incidents that result in trips to the hospital, job loss, financial instability and just a bunch of mayhem. Yes this is life and it happens among any group of people not just families, but for some reason, in a matter of two months I've experience more drama than a little bit.
I have this great fear of getting old, looking old and feeling old. Just writing about it scares me. I know that I shouldn't fear and if I become overcome with the fear than it will just age me sooner. LOL. However, I feel like dealing with my family will only stress me out which will in turn make me look older.
More recently, I've been thinking about my mother's health and how she doesn't take care of herself. For years the whole family has been telling her that she needs to eat a better diet, maintain a stressful lifestyle, exercise and just be good to her body. And for years she hasn't listened and now her health is worsening. And sometimes me and my sisters talk about my mother's future: who's gonna take care of her, who she'll live with and who will take over her finances. It's all very scary. I love my mother but I feel that you can't take care of someone who doesn't want to take care of themselves. And this is yet another thing that I don't want to be stressing out about.
I know it sounds selfish but it's plain honest. The people in this world who should be selfish aren't. Right now I should be somewhere practicing yoga, working out, reading a book, or watching a movie and not stressing out about my crazy ass family!
I can't even begin to talk about the drama that transpires within my family on a daily basis. The fights and arguments, incidents that result in trips to the hospital, job loss, financial instability and just a bunch of mayhem. Yes this is life and it happens among any group of people not just families, but for some reason, in a matter of two months I've experience more drama than a little bit.
I have this great fear of getting old, looking old and feeling old. Just writing about it scares me. I know that I shouldn't fear and if I become overcome with the fear than it will just age me sooner. LOL. However, I feel like dealing with my family will only stress me out which will in turn make me look older.
More recently, I've been thinking about my mother's health and how she doesn't take care of herself. For years the whole family has been telling her that she needs to eat a better diet, maintain a stressful lifestyle, exercise and just be good to her body. And for years she hasn't listened and now her health is worsening. And sometimes me and my sisters talk about my mother's future: who's gonna take care of her, who she'll live with and who will take over her finances. It's all very scary. I love my mother but I feel that you can't take care of someone who doesn't want to take care of themselves. And this is yet another thing that I don't want to be stressing out about.
I know it sounds selfish but it's plain honest. The people in this world who should be selfish aren't. Right now I should be somewhere practicing yoga, working out, reading a book, or watching a movie and not stressing out about my crazy ass family!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Wooohhhh...I feel like lettin it all off my chest
I'm back in my hometown. Several people ask me why I came back and even though I say for several reasons, honestly there are only two. Number one, my boyfriend is here and I didn't want to do the long distance thing, especially not in our financial state. Number two, I really love the city and I always dreamed that I would help out in the city's revitalization, so I have this big plan to start a dance company here.
Wow, things are really not going as planned and I'm starting to feel some kinda way. I miss the hell out of New York. I mean I really, really miss it. Here I feel so dependant on everyone and I need a car to go everywhere. I have access to a car but I hate driving and gas is ridiculously expensive. I've been back home for almost 2 months now and I've spent a little over $300 on gas. WTF! I'm about to start researching bus routes...which I should've done a long time ago, shit!
I haven't landed a job yet, I haven't completed the revisions to my thesis, I've run out of money and I'm getting fat.
Sooooo what do I do? What really tops the cake is my boyfriend just asked me a few days ago, what I thought about relocating? Are you serious...and he then suggests that we move to New York. Thanks.
Wow, things are really not going as planned and I'm starting to feel some kinda way. I miss the hell out of New York. I mean I really, really miss it. Here I feel so dependant on everyone and I need a car to go everywhere. I have access to a car but I hate driving and gas is ridiculously expensive. I've been back home for almost 2 months now and I've spent a little over $300 on gas. WTF! I'm about to start researching bus routes...which I should've done a long time ago, shit!
I haven't landed a job yet, I haven't completed the revisions to my thesis, I've run out of money and I'm getting fat.
Sooooo what do I do? What really tops the cake is my boyfriend just asked me a few days ago, what I thought about relocating? Are you serious...and he then suggests that we move to New York. Thanks.
