Thursday, February 01, 2007
Where oh where did my book club go?
This is me getting some things off my chest...
Where does pain come from and the pain that I'm feeling right now is it a result of the pain that I've caused to others in the past? I was reading on a karma website last week that there are three forms of karma, forgive me cause I'm not gonna quote the site completely correct but basically there's, instant karma, karma that you experience from a previous lifetime, and karma that is not experienced until your next lifetime. I definitely feel like I get a taste of instant karma like no other all the time. I like to think that I'm a good person but sometimes I reflect on my past and realize that at times I can do some pretty fucked up things.
As I get older I come to realize that I was placed on this earth to serve a higher purpose then what I simply desire or wish. I believe God frowns on me about some of the things that I do because he knows that I know better and because he knows that I have a lot more knowledge than the average person (and I'm not talking about book knowledge but I have a very strong intuition and a sense of spirituality that is very keen or advanced).
What's the saying, the more you know the more stress??? I don't know...I think of my good friend that passed away last month and I think about how she wanted to do so much to better the world. She wanted to travel and explore and figure out ways to incorporate things that she had learned into her community to enrich and renew hope that was lost. I miss her so much, it's so crazy to know that I can't pick up the phone anymore and have a 3 hour conversation with her about politics, black culture, black mobilization, black love and just life in general.
It's amazing that I'm constantly working on how to improve my life, how to achieve my goals, how to achieve happiness. But I never really get spiritual until something bad happens. I pray converse with God on a regular basis but I never begin to analyze my behavior, my relationship with God, meditation, righting my wrongs so to speak until I start feeling really sad or until I'm anguishing about something.
Right now I'm trying to evaluate a lot of things. Is time running out for me? Will I become the night mare that I'm so afraid of? The woman that spent so much time contemplating her next move, rationalizing her options and determining if her dreams are practical or not? I just want to be happy. Maybe happiness is over rated or maybe in my previous life time I was really happy and didn't appreciate it so now in this lifetime I must suffer. Don't be concerned by this entry I'm just going through a funk right now.
Where does pain come from and the pain that I'm feeling right now is it a result of the pain that I've caused to others in the past? I was reading on a karma website last week that there are three forms of karma, forgive me cause I'm not gonna quote the site completely correct but basically there's, instant karma, karma that you experience from a previous lifetime, and karma that is not experienced until your next lifetime. I definitely feel like I get a taste of instant karma like no other all the time. I like to think that I'm a good person but sometimes I reflect on my past and realize that at times I can do some pretty fucked up things.
As I get older I come to realize that I was placed on this earth to serve a higher purpose then what I simply desire or wish. I believe God frowns on me about some of the things that I do because he knows that I know better and because he knows that I have a lot more knowledge than the average person (and I'm not talking about book knowledge but I have a very strong intuition and a sense of spirituality that is very keen or advanced).
What's the saying, the more you know the more stress??? I don't know...I think of my good friend that passed away last month and I think about how she wanted to do so much to better the world. She wanted to travel and explore and figure out ways to incorporate things that she had learned into her community to enrich and renew hope that was lost. I miss her so much, it's so crazy to know that I can't pick up the phone anymore and have a 3 hour conversation with her about politics, black culture, black mobilization, black love and just life in general.
It's amazing that I'm constantly working on how to improve my life, how to achieve my goals, how to achieve happiness. But I never really get spiritual until something bad happens. I pray converse with God on a regular basis but I never begin to analyze my behavior, my relationship with God, meditation, righting my wrongs so to speak until I start feeling really sad or until I'm anguishing about something.
Right now I'm trying to evaluate a lot of things. Is time running out for me? Will I become the night mare that I'm so afraid of? The woman that spent so much time contemplating her next move, rationalizing her options and determining if her dreams are practical or not? I just want to be happy. Maybe happiness is over rated or maybe in my previous life time I was really happy and didn't appreciate it so now in this lifetime I must suffer. Don't be concerned by this entry I'm just going through a funk right now.
