Thursday, May 24, 2007
How Do I Save the Memories?!
I'm sitting here a little over two months after one of my closest friend's (Danielle B.) was killed in a fatal car accident and thinking about how I'm not completely healed. It is still hard for me to confront the idea that I can no longer talk to her or make plans to hang out or send her emails or instant messages if I see her log on to G chat. I see her sister and she reminds me so much of her; the way she talks, her smile, her energy, her mannerisms. It's very difficult.
What I'm struggling with most is the fact that we were not friends for a very long time but it feels like it and I wish that our friendship would've been longer. I wish that I could've seen her and her daughter more. We had so many plans for the future. She was gonna change the world. She had plans to educate communities from Chicago to South Africa about what efforts need to be put forth in order to mobilize Black families who are being oppressed all over the world. She was gonna take the world of media by storm, with her ambitions to become not only an anchor woman, but a journalist, a travel expert for urban girls and possibly a politician. Danielle and I talked around two to three times a month but each time that we talked it was for hours and hours at a time. Everytime I talked to her I couldn't stop thinking to myself, "what 22 year old do you know that spends so much time thinking of ways to make not only her community better but the world better? And I mean every conversation that we engaged in was meaningful, there was never a moment that we spent on the phone talking about foolishness (unless we were talking about boys...haha).
Man I miss her so much, like I said before I only knew her for about 3 years, but we went through so much together. She was there for me through my boyfriend issues, my grad school drama and preparation, my financial hardships and the happy times like graduation and my move back to the NY. I remember all of her drama and happy times as well; her break up stories, her commuting back and forth from Chicago to Philly to finish school and the birth of her beautiful daughter Jasmin Rayne. We shared so much with each other, her friendship became such a unique and special part of my life. Now there is a huge void in my heart and the pain that I feel is indescribable.
I can remember her saying to me once that I was like a big sister to her and that she looked up to me and was very proud of all of my accomplishments and achievements. But I felt the same way about her. I don't know if I expressed that to her enough. I know that she would get sad about things often, feeling like she wasn't doing what she should or that she wasn't working to her best potential. Yet I bragged about her and still do to this day, so much so, that you would think I was her mother or aunt or somebody. I think that her work ethic, attitude and spirit is a perfect model for young women or any person for that matter to pattern themselves after.
I wish I had more physical things of hers to hold on to, to help me to keep her in my memory. I don't want to lose the memories.
I Love You Daniellle
What I'm struggling with most is the fact that we were not friends for a very long time but it feels like it and I wish that our friendship would've been longer. I wish that I could've seen her and her daughter more. We had so many plans for the future. She was gonna change the world. She had plans to educate communities from Chicago to South Africa about what efforts need to be put forth in order to mobilize Black families who are being oppressed all over the world. She was gonna take the world of media by storm, with her ambitions to become not only an anchor woman, but a journalist, a travel expert for urban girls and possibly a politician. Danielle and I talked around two to three times a month but each time that we talked it was for hours and hours at a time. Everytime I talked to her I couldn't stop thinking to myself, "what 22 year old do you know that spends so much time thinking of ways to make not only her community better but the world better? And I mean every conversation that we engaged in was meaningful, there was never a moment that we spent on the phone talking about foolishness (unless we were talking about boys...haha).
Man I miss her so much, like I said before I only knew her for about 3 years, but we went through so much together. She was there for me through my boyfriend issues, my grad school drama and preparation, my financial hardships and the happy times like graduation and my move back to the NY. I remember all of her drama and happy times as well; her break up stories, her commuting back and forth from Chicago to Philly to finish school and the birth of her beautiful daughter Jasmin Rayne. We shared so much with each other, her friendship became such a unique and special part of my life. Now there is a huge void in my heart and the pain that I feel is indescribable.
I can remember her saying to me once that I was like a big sister to her and that she looked up to me and was very proud of all of my accomplishments and achievements. But I felt the same way about her. I don't know if I expressed that to her enough. I know that she would get sad about things often, feeling like she wasn't doing what she should or that she wasn't working to her best potential. Yet I bragged about her and still do to this day, so much so, that you would think I was her mother or aunt or somebody. I think that her work ethic, attitude and spirit is a perfect model for young women or any person for that matter to pattern themselves after.
I wish I had more physical things of hers to hold on to, to help me to keep her in my memory. I don't want to lose the memories.
I Love You Daniellle
